(I'm writing this at 3AM, so it's not very good. But I wanted to write it out before I forgot.)
This is a really random post, but I felt like I should write it anyway.
I tried to find out what the word for "brother" was in Hawaiian, but I couldn't figure out which phrase would be appropriate. I was looking for this word, because I was thinking about my good friend Kaleo. He was a great friend. We met in Hawaii in 2009. We started hanging out after I began dating one of his friends, Marco. Our group of friends at this moment were constantly together, so we saw a lot of each other. For the time that I was dating Marco, he and I didn't talk much. I mean, we talked, but I was wrapped up in the relationship so I didn't pay much attention to him. To me, he was always Marco's friend.
When my relationship with Marco began to fail, Kaleo was the only one who had the guts to point it out to me. He helped me out more than he probably knew. This might not sound like a big deal to anyone, but it was to me for two reasons. First, like I said we weren't particularly close at the time, so I was surprised by his consideration for me. At that point in my life, I hadn't had a lot of people look out for me (only two or three, and you know who you are, and thank you for being there :)
The second reason was that he treated me like an actual person, and not like some girl he was trying to hook up with. I had never had that experience with a guy I was not related to. Every guy I met who was nice to me was only that way because he wanted something else from me. I am not exaggerating. I had never had a guy friend who was simply that; a friend. It was so refreshing.
During the next few months, we hung out a lot. We would eat together in the cafeteria, walk around to hang out with our other friends together, all the normal friend stuff. I felt like he was my brother, my sort of protector while I was out there. We even fought like brother and sister, and over stupid stuff too (LOL).
Unfortunately, due to some drama within our "inner circle of friends", we grew apart. We haven't talked much since I left Hawaii.
I don't know if Kaleo ever knew how much I appreciated his friendship. He showed me that there was a whole group of men who actually had the emotional confidence to be "just friends" with a woman. In fact, if it wasn't for him, I don't think I would have had the bravery to go back to church to be around strange men all by myself.
If there are any men reading this, especially single men, I am going to ask you to be more like Kaleo. Don't be friends with a girl just because you want to date her (or whatever). Be friends with her! You never know how you could influence her.
Love you Kaleo!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
The Word of Wisdom Part 1: Giving Up Coffee
I love coffe. I love love love love coffee. I love the smell, the taste, the color, and the feeling of coffee. I love it black, I love it iced, I love it frozen, I love it filled with sweeteners and creams. Most of my friends can attest to this love I have. I would perk up like a dog when he hears his kibble being poured whenever anyone would even mention the word "coffee".
I used to drink 3-5 cups a coffee a day when I was in college. I had to give that up however when I started suffering from crazy heart spasms, induced by stress and anxiety. Coffee just made my stress and anxiety worse!
When I got pregnant, I resumed drinking coffee. One cup per day! I had to stop taking my medicine for my chronic migraines (an ailment I had suffered from since puberty; I will discuss these more at a further date), and coffee was the only other thing that did the trick. I, of course, had no complaints about it.
When I started going back to church, I made the decision to give up coffee. Why, you ask? You love it so much! And it's so delicious. What does church have to do with coffee?
Well, you see, I'm a Mormon. I had never understood why Mormons weren't supposed to drink coffee. So when I stopped going/believing, I picked up the habit. I would make all sorts of excuses, telling my friends how great I felt, how I needed it for my health, how it's actually good for you. Most of them would just laugh and say, "Ok Ashton. Do whatever you want."
When I made the decision to give it up for my religion, I still didn't understand why I was doing this. All I know is that I had been asked to. That had never been a good enough reason for me before, but this time I concluded that I didn't need to know the reason. I believed that this is what Heavenly Father wanted me to do, and I would do it for no one else but Him.
Giving up coffee may not seem like such a big deal to some of you. I mean, the pioneers gave up everything for the church. I can give up coffee, right?
It was sooooo hard!!!!!!
The first month was the hardest. I would walk into my kitchen everyday and see my coffee machine, just staring at me....waiting...begging me to fill it up....Finally I just had to put it in a cupboard and hide all of my coffee. I began replacing my morning drink with hot chocolate (yum!). I was also grumpy, and very sleepy. I actually began to take naps, something I had avoided doing since Kai was born. I felt lame and unproductive.
Then something strange began to happen...so gradually I didn't even notice.
I began to feel happier about life. I began to have more energy. I began to sleep better. I was more willing to go out and do things, because of this energy and happiness. I also didn't have to go pee every hour.
Then I stumbled across this article:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2012/08/21/caffeine-the-silent-killer-of-emotional-intelligence/
Basically, it goes into why caffeine is an emotional killer. Read the article if you want details. But this article seemed to be written specifically for me. I'm a very emotional person, due to my bipolar. I try to avoid anything that messes with that, since it's already difficult to balance. After reading this, I was convinced I had made the right choice.
I know a lot of people who say that Mormons are weird because they don't drink coffee. That's fine if you think that. I think it's weird that you have such a problem with us not drinking coffee for religious reasons. I mean, it's coffee. It's not food or water.
Anyway, I'm not saying everyone has to give up coffee if you don't want to. I'm just sharing my experience with this. I've had a few more experience I'm going to share throughout this blog about how following The Word of Wisdom (ask the missionaries if you don't know what this is, or go to www.lds.org) has changed my life in ways I didn't know it could.
Now I'm off to drink a nice cup of hot chocolate!
I used to drink 3-5 cups a coffee a day when I was in college. I had to give that up however when I started suffering from crazy heart spasms, induced by stress and anxiety. Coffee just made my stress and anxiety worse!
When I got pregnant, I resumed drinking coffee. One cup per day! I had to stop taking my medicine for my chronic migraines (an ailment I had suffered from since puberty; I will discuss these more at a further date), and coffee was the only other thing that did the trick. I, of course, had no complaints about it.
When I started going back to church, I made the decision to give up coffee. Why, you ask? You love it so much! And it's so delicious. What does church have to do with coffee?
Well, you see, I'm a Mormon. I had never understood why Mormons weren't supposed to drink coffee. So when I stopped going/believing, I picked up the habit. I would make all sorts of excuses, telling my friends how great I felt, how I needed it for my health, how it's actually good for you. Most of them would just laugh and say, "Ok Ashton. Do whatever you want."
When I made the decision to give it up for my religion, I still didn't understand why I was doing this. All I know is that I had been asked to. That had never been a good enough reason for me before, but this time I concluded that I didn't need to know the reason. I believed that this is what Heavenly Father wanted me to do, and I would do it for no one else but Him.
Giving up coffee may not seem like such a big deal to some of you. I mean, the pioneers gave up everything for the church. I can give up coffee, right?
It was sooooo hard!!!!!!
The first month was the hardest. I would walk into my kitchen everyday and see my coffee machine, just staring at me....waiting...begging me to fill it up....Finally I just had to put it in a cupboard and hide all of my coffee. I began replacing my morning drink with hot chocolate (yum!). I was also grumpy, and very sleepy. I actually began to take naps, something I had avoided doing since Kai was born. I felt lame and unproductive.
Then something strange began to happen...so gradually I didn't even notice.
I began to feel happier about life. I began to have more energy. I began to sleep better. I was more willing to go out and do things, because of this energy and happiness. I also didn't have to go pee every hour.
Then I stumbled across this article:
http://www.forbes.com/sites/travisbradberry/2012/08/21/caffeine-the-silent-killer-of-emotional-intelligence/
Basically, it goes into why caffeine is an emotional killer. Read the article if you want details. But this article seemed to be written specifically for me. I'm a very emotional person, due to my bipolar. I try to avoid anything that messes with that, since it's already difficult to balance. After reading this, I was convinced I had made the right choice.
I know a lot of people who say that Mormons are weird because they don't drink coffee. That's fine if you think that. I think it's weird that you have such a problem with us not drinking coffee for religious reasons. I mean, it's coffee. It's not food or water.
Anyway, I'm not saying everyone has to give up coffee if you don't want to. I'm just sharing my experience with this. I've had a few more experience I'm going to share throughout this blog about how following The Word of Wisdom (ask the missionaries if you don't know what this is, or go to www.lds.org) has changed my life in ways I didn't know it could.
Now I'm off to drink a nice cup of hot chocolate!
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Why the General Population of Humans Annoy Me, Part 1
So, this is just a random rant.
I was just on Reddit with Joel, looking at a thread about people getting secrets off of their chest.
By the end of it, I was so frustrated with it, I said to Joel "I hate people. Why are people so stupid? Stupid people!" He laughed and said that these people are actually pretty intelligent. I said "There's a difference between intelligence and being smart. These people are NOT smart.
I am aware this is an extreme generalization. As you come to get to know me, you'll figure out I generalize things often. A therapist once told me that was a big problem of mine.
But we're not here to talk about my problems :p
The reason I was getting so infuriated was because of these people's "problems". The majority was people complaining about how alone they feel and how they want to find love. Now, when a friend of mine will say that to me, I try to be understanding. But this is how I feel inside:
"Get off of your freaking computer/phone and lift your head up and look around!!! Go talk to a stranger! Actually talk to that guy/girl that you think is cute, instead of just creepily stalking them on Facebook!!!! The worst that will happen is that you will get your heart broken. A broken heart can make you feel like dying. It can make you feel worthless. It can make you feel like there's no reason to go on. BUT ONLY IF YOU LET IT!!!"
If you get rejected, try putting yourself in their shoes. Do you say yes to every person who hits on you? Does saying no make you a terrible person, out to inflict pain on purpose? No! It just means that you weren't interested. So don't let someone who rejects you become the bad guy.
Basically, GET OVER YOURSELF.
Now, some of you who know me are probably really irritated with me right now. "Sure Ashton. Whatever you say. Weren't you the one who stopped going to your classes because of a bad breakup? Weren't you the one who dropped out of college because of a GUY? (this is not even close the real reason, but yes it did contribute) How dare you say to us to get over ourselves when you would bombard us with texts about how awful your life was?"
I completely agree with you. I was one of those people who now irritate me. Which is why I believe I do have a right to say these things, because I understand how they are feeling. The thing I had to do to get out of that rut was, in fact, getting over myself. I had to realize I wasn't a martyr, that I wasn't all that, and that I wasn't taking responsibility over my life.
I am now in a loving relationship, and on a very healthy path. I am happier than I ever have been. I am this way because I took risks, and I was able to stop thinking about myself 24/7.
I'm sure there will be many more rants like this. I hope you all enjoyed this one.
I was just on Reddit with Joel, looking at a thread about people getting secrets off of their chest.
By the end of it, I was so frustrated with it, I said to Joel "I hate people. Why are people so stupid? Stupid people!" He laughed and said that these people are actually pretty intelligent. I said "There's a difference between intelligence and being smart. These people are NOT smart.
I am aware this is an extreme generalization. As you come to get to know me, you'll figure out I generalize things often. A therapist once told me that was a big problem of mine.
But we're not here to talk about my problems :p
The reason I was getting so infuriated was because of these people's "problems". The majority was people complaining about how alone they feel and how they want to find love. Now, when a friend of mine will say that to me, I try to be understanding. But this is how I feel inside:
"Get off of your freaking computer/phone and lift your head up and look around!!! Go talk to a stranger! Actually talk to that guy/girl that you think is cute, instead of just creepily stalking them on Facebook!!!! The worst that will happen is that you will get your heart broken. A broken heart can make you feel like dying. It can make you feel worthless. It can make you feel like there's no reason to go on. BUT ONLY IF YOU LET IT!!!"
If you get rejected, try putting yourself in their shoes. Do you say yes to every person who hits on you? Does saying no make you a terrible person, out to inflict pain on purpose? No! It just means that you weren't interested. So don't let someone who rejects you become the bad guy.
Basically, GET OVER YOURSELF.
Now, some of you who know me are probably really irritated with me right now. "Sure Ashton. Whatever you say. Weren't you the one who stopped going to your classes because of a bad breakup? Weren't you the one who dropped out of college because of a GUY? (this is not even close the real reason, but yes it did contribute) How dare you say to us to get over ourselves when you would bombard us with texts about how awful your life was?"
I completely agree with you. I was one of those people who now irritate me. Which is why I believe I do have a right to say these things, because I understand how they are feeling. The thing I had to do to get out of that rut was, in fact, getting over myself. I had to realize I wasn't a martyr, that I wasn't all that, and that I wasn't taking responsibility over my life.
I am now in a loving relationship, and on a very healthy path. I am happier than I ever have been. I am this way because I took risks, and I was able to stop thinking about myself 24/7.
I'm sure there will be many more rants like this. I hope you all enjoyed this one.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
Those Big Brown Eyes
Today was one of those days that makes motherhood all worth it.
It started out going to the Aviary Museum with a few of my friends and our kids. The museum was lame. The best part was when we left and went to the park across the street. Kai didn't really play with the other kids; instead he chose to be an independent player. He climbed up the stairs to the playground, and smiled at me through the bars. I smiled back, and he began to put his face close, wanting a kiss from his mommy :)
This evening, while Joel was out playing table tennis, Kai and I got to hang out. Usually during these nights I try to get as much homework done as possible and let Kai do his own thing. Tonight however, I decided to play with him. I've been hearing a lot about "living in the moment" and "enjoying your time with your family". Needless to say, we had so much fun. We wrestled, sang, danced, and stuck our fingers up each others noses.
Later, we were lying in bed, trying to get Kai to go to sleep. I am still breastfeeding, but trying to wean him, so I was distracting him by singing. He laid his head on my tummy, and gazed into my eyes, and placed one of his hands on my cheeks. I felt so loved and trusted.
I normally have a lot of fun with Kai, and I do feel loved by him. But I rarely take the time to appreciate it. I'm glad I did today, and I want to try to do it more often. Not only with Kai, but with Joel, and my friends and family.
So if I become annoying and act like I'm talking to you too much, just know it's because I'm appreciating you :)
It started out going to the Aviary Museum with a few of my friends and our kids. The museum was lame. The best part was when we left and went to the park across the street. Kai didn't really play with the other kids; instead he chose to be an independent player. He climbed up the stairs to the playground, and smiled at me through the bars. I smiled back, and he began to put his face close, wanting a kiss from his mommy :)
This evening, while Joel was out playing table tennis, Kai and I got to hang out. Usually during these nights I try to get as much homework done as possible and let Kai do his own thing. Tonight however, I decided to play with him. I've been hearing a lot about "living in the moment" and "enjoying your time with your family". Needless to say, we had so much fun. We wrestled, sang, danced, and stuck our fingers up each others noses.
Later, we were lying in bed, trying to get Kai to go to sleep. I am still breastfeeding, but trying to wean him, so I was distracting him by singing. He laid his head on my tummy, and gazed into my eyes, and placed one of his hands on my cheeks. I felt so loved and trusted.
I normally have a lot of fun with Kai, and I do feel loved by him. But I rarely take the time to appreciate it. I'm glad I did today, and I want to try to do it more often. Not only with Kai, but with Joel, and my friends and family.
So if I become annoying and act like I'm talking to you too much, just know it's because I'm appreciating you :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)